the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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