If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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