he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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