And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
