dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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