All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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