I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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