Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Everclear isn't food dammit
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
