I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
