We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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