Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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