hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
