seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
