Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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