dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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