a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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