and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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