Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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