Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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