Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
