Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
