Non-Jews are for practice
She announced her abortion via fbk
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Randomize
