I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
