We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I can't turn off my feet"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
