so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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