my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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