just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
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I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
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Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize