OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
