And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
