Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
