Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
