were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Drunk is not a location!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
