I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
