You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize