my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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