Need sex. Gaining weight.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
