addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
