i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
