addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
