At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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