Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
