Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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