My friends, they love my intelligence
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
