Please, let me fuck your mom
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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