so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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