people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
