Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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