new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
