Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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