Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
