i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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