I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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