Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
