Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
