Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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