I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
