I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
