is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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