Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
