I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
