oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
