So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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