Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
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In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
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I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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