he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
