College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
