My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
