i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
