The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Please don't give away my fajitas
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
