Sorry, I don't speak sober.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
