hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize